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First Grade
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Eddy what is your problem?" Eddy answered, "I'm too smart
for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she
is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
The teacher had had enough.
She took Eddy to the principal's office.
While Eddy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal
what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to
answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
The teacher agreed.
Eddy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to
take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Eddy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Eddy: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should
know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Eddy can go to the
third-grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Eddy both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Eddy, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Eddy replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Eddy: "Pants"
Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and
contains thin whitish liquid?
Eddy: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Eddy was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Eddy: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on
three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Eddy: Shake hands
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Eddy: Yep.
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet
before you do.
Eddy: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man
always has me first.
Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Eddy: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you
feel good.
Eddy: Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Eddy: Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of
excitement?
Eddy: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Eddy in the
fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."
A teacher was doing a study testing the
senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers.
He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and
asked them to identify them by color and flavor.
The children began to say:
Red...............cherry,"
Yellow............lemon,"
Green.............lime,"
Orange............orange."
Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them for a
few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue, It's what your mother may call
your father at times."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled:
"Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"
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